I still remember being held and holding partners at night...
Their bodies pressed against mine as I pulled them in while we slept and vice versa. It was pure bliss, but it wasn't...
You know how all those studies shows that sleeping in the same bed with someone makes you sleep better and shit. Well I'm convinced it's all lies. As much as I liked having someone in the same bed with me I actually get my best sleep alone. Which makes me question my overall mind when it comes to me and relationships.
Relarionships...the one aspect of my life I have no control over which is why I keep them as far away as possible...
Relationships go beyond a partner. Anyone you interact with is a relationship. Your parents. Your family. Your coworkers. Your acquaintances. Strangers. Enemies. Allies. Frienemies. They are all relationships. But, there is one relationship we constantly forget and it's not the your relationship with God. It's the relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is probably the toughest one you need to deal with. Some of the strongest people I know have the worst relationship with themselves. They are afraid to conquer that battle internally with their heart and mind on things could be preventing them from achieving their greatest self. I have several internal battles that are constantly going on that I wish I could just defeat. The relationship with oneself is the toughest but most lucrative battle to win. You see once you accept ones self and who you are, then there is a release. It feels like a weight being lifted off your shoulder and it's astonishing to say the least. My relationship with myself is one the deserves most of my time in my life currently. If I ever do decide I want to settle down, get married or even have kids, I do not want to enter into that/those relationships with a burden on my heart. I need my heart to be completely open and at this point in my life I am not. The battles I have with myself require attention. Attention that I truly haven't given myself since I was 12.
So now with my future looking bright ahead, I dedicate this time to myself now. Loving the relationship with myself. Being able to hug and hold myself with no problems. To be able to look in the mirror and love everything I see about myself both inside and out. My heart isn't broken it just needs to be strengthened.
All these books are not written by Black People but they were helpful for my Black Experience thus far. Anything with a ***indicates that several people have recommended these books including but not limited to senior executives for major companies, amazing entrepreneurs, and some of the most successful black people who work with or for major tech companies.